Reading experience reports can be an exercise in patience, but it can also be inadvertently entertaining. In November 2004, reviewers and triagers began keeping a list of sentences or phrases from experience reports that struck them as particularly funny. We are printing selections from this list in the spirit of goofy humor, thinking that Erowid members might find them amusing as well. They appear as they were submitted (unedited). We have no desire to ridicule or belittle the authors excerpted below.


"This entire report was probably made up." (Many assorted)

"This night was madness, insanity, craziness. Some of the memories are lost. I wouldnt regret it at all if it wasnt for the property damage." (5-HTP & LSD)

"I didnt have a clue about drugs, somehow the cops from the DARE program had given me the idea pot was something deadly you huffed out of paper bags, I didnt even know it came from a plant." (Cannabis)

"After reaching the fatality point my experience became horrible." (Caffeine)

"I was one of those guys that always wanted to try everything and was jealous when someone had taken something I hadn't. So I proceeded with doing as many drugs as erowid has." (LSD & PCP)

"shamanism is just a cool word for total schizopherenia" (Salvia divinorum)

"My mother told me that she had to leave the room a couple of times b/c she could not help but laugh at the things I was doing or saying - which she figured to also be a side effect of her stress of me almost dying. Her favourite was when I stood on the bed, stripped naked and swooshed my hands over my body, yelling ‘and ALL of this for only $3.99!!" (Dimenhydrinate)

"Salvia D. is not a drug -- it is a TRANSPORT mechanism that wouldn't be out of line to think of as the machine depicted in Contact." (Salvia divinorum 5x extract)

"And there you have it. My accounting of the last 2 days. I have learned my lesson and wont take that ever again. I hope." (Nutmeg)

"Today the Kitchen, Tomorrow the Cataloging of My Socks!" (Methamphetamine)

"You could have the same kind of fun from a bad head injury." (Diphenhydramine)

"I feel I could change the world drastically and invoke some sort of mass epiphany, if only I could rise from this chair and stop twitching my legs and grinding my teeth." (Amphetamine [Adderall])

"I have a heartbeat monitor attached to my finger, and IV in my arm, and pads with wires coming out of them all over my chest and legs. Except for all the medical equipment, a bucket in front of me filled with charcoal and blood, and some breathing walls and towels, it was as if nothing had happened at all." (Psilocybin Mushrooms)

Title: "Knolege is power" (Assorted)

"I'm pretty much straight edge now, except occasionally i drop acid or do shrooms, or take ecstasy or something of that sort." (Cannabis)

"Before the trip, the world around me seemed stable and predictable. If there was a red apple in front of me, it would remain a red apple, and it would not turn into plaid ostrich and start speaking Hebrew!" (PCP)

"I was thinking in assembly code rather than C++" (Mushrooms)

"ive been lost in my room for over 5 hours now" [this was the entire report] (Morning Glory Seeds)