PSYCHEDELIC REALITY

CYDELIKSPACE

    There exists a state which I will call "CydelikSpace," that I have visited numerous times through the use of psychedelics. CydelikSpace has correlations to the digital world of "cyberspace" described in William Gibson's novels. However, CydelikSpace is not a fictional dimension. It is accessible now, and even appears to be the underlying reality behind all existence. It is of this state that one becomes aware, to a greater or lesser degree, during deep psychedelic experiences, and any other mystical or spiritual experience.

    CydelikSpace is vast. It appears to contain all matter and energy in all of its manifestations since the beginning of time. This state also contains thought. In fact, it may be thought that gives birth to matter, since experience of CydelikSpace supports the notion that the manifest universe is a construct of consciousness, and not the other way around.

    While in this state I have experienced in lucid detail, what seems to be every thought that has been formulated in my mind throughout my entire lifetime, as well as each perspective through which I've viewed life, and each experience I have had. I have seen my entire life laid out in suspension before me, and I could wander through my previous perspectives as a detached observer. I could view my life through four dimensions, easily recalling in full detail perspectives and perceptions back through early childhood. I could see the development throughout my life, of ideas, identity, beliefs, coincidences, relations, and limitations. These were seen with the precision of someone analyzing graph charts displaying data, yet with full emotional connection. It is said that when one is about to die, their entire life flashes before their eyes. While under the influence of psychedelics this flash has lasted for hours, and allowed for reflection, devoid of panic, anxiety, attachment, or fear.

    Not only is CydelikSpace a complete depository of my own life's perceptions, it similarly contains all thoughts and experiences of every human, animal, plant, and molecular life form that has existed in the universe since time began, including the life experience of individual cells and galactic star systems. Other lives can be experienced with almost as much detail as one's own, down to a child's wonder upon first feeling dew on the morning grass, the trace of lipstick left on your lips after kissing a lover whom you've never before met, or a child's first impression of a pattern on clothing, seen while playing at nursery school, in a building too modern to have existed during your own childhood. These vivid impressions can be much more extraordinary!; being in an extraterrestrial body while making love and enjoying the sensations perceived through a much finer tactile sense than exists in humans, or, the experience of a planet's soul over millions of years as different groups of plants evolve, flourish, and give way to their successors upon its surface.

    When in CydelikSpace it is clear that you and I are not two. CydelikSpace exists, and the detailed dreams of our separate lives are entirely contained within it.

    But this entire storehouse of universal experience is but a fraction of CydelikSpace's magnitude. It also contains all thoughts which did not occur but could have, and each variation of experience that did not take place. The thoughts that have passed through one's mind, the actions taken, and the experiences one has had are but one series of occurrences. The possible thoughts, actions, and experiences that did not manifest in one's life are infinite, and branch out endlessly. An artist's marks upon a canvas are but one rendering of the multitude of visions held inside the head, and CydelikSpace additionally contains innumerable visions that the artist never dreamed in the wildest fits of imagination.

    Occasionally I've experienced events while in CydelikSpace that later manifested in consensus reality. One can also experience events that happened in a time and place where they were not present, and find that these events actually occurred. This is not to say that all experiences in CydelikSpace have parallels in consensus reality. Only a very small percent do. This can be compared to dreams. Almost everyone has had a few dreams that were precognitive, or somehow paranormal, but it is only one in a great number. The same generally holds true for paranormal psychedelic experiences. However, it has been stated that many shamans in the Amazonian regions have effectively mastered this ability to enter the psychedelic universe, and view future or past events from the lives of those in their community.

    In The Holotropic Mind Stan Grof suggests "As individual human beings we are not isolated and insignificant Newtonian entities; rather, as integral fields of the holomovement (CydelikSpace) each of us is also a microcosm that reflects the macrocosm. If this is true, then we each hold the potential for having direct and immediate experiential access to virtually every aspect of the universe, extending our capacities well beyond the reach of our senses."

    Through his observation of thousands of psychedelic sessions, as well as sessions involving other means of entering into "non-ordinary states of consciousness," Grof has put together a very thorough collection of information to confirm that events and experiences of the type I describe here are common occurrences for the majority of psychedelic users. He argues that the indisputable validity of these experiences calls for a new model and understanding of ourselves, our minds, and the manifest universe. In summarizing his observations Grof says "I am now convinced that our individual consciousnesses connect us not only with our immediate environment and with various periods of our own past, but also with events that are far beyond the reach of our physical senses, extending into other historical times, into nature, and into the cosmos... we can re-experience episodes that took place when we were fetuses in our mothers' wombs... On occasion we can reach far back in time and witness sequences from the lives of our human and animal ancestors... We can transcend time and space, cross boundaries separating us from various animal species, experience processes in the botanical kingdom and in the inorganic world, and even explore mythological and other realities that we previously did not know existed."

    In my experiences I've found that CydelikSpace not only contains all possible thought, vision, and experience. It may also contain all manifestations of physical matter. My perception while in CydelikSpace is that all matter, all energy, all movement, is still contained in a dimensionless point. The "Big Bang" and the unfolding of the universe has not yet occurred. CydelikSpace is a seething mass of unlimited possibilities contained within a nucleus. While in CydelikSpace the manifest universe that I appear to wake up to each morning is no more real or solid than countless other universes.

    In a 1989 High Times article, Ramses Sputz describes his Ketamine experience; "I become a floating diffuse cloud of disembodied thought, stirfing the warps and waves of Einstein's non-linear, non-Euclidean space-time continuum. I'm on a guided tour through the subatomic factory which continuously generates the universe, witnessing the mathematical equations which govern the emergence of matter from the field of quantum probabilities, the vacuum matrix from which all particles arise and into which they dissolve. But the factory doesn't manufacture this universe alone. Countless other universes are rolling off the assembly line, and I can see their images peeping around the corners of space-time."

    As a physicist can explain, what feels like a piece of solid steel, is not actually solid at all. It is composed of 99.9999... % empty space, with some minute subatomic particles swirling about at incredible velocities. So in CydelikSpace, the existence of self and the universe is experienced as switching on and off and through a myriad manifestations each fraction of a millisecond.

    Most any psychedelic can, on auspicious occasions, bring one deeply into CydelikSpace. The LSD experience I had in Death Valley shows one possible experience of CydelikSpace. In my mind's eye I beheld all of the changes that the landscape around me had passed through over millions of years. I experienced the lives and witnessed the perspectives of each life form that had lived on these grounds.

    The experience of Enlightenment, Satori, or Samadhi, as it is called in various Eastern religions, is another variation of Cydelikspace. I have had this experience of Samadhi. The extinguishing of self-awareness and the dawning of omniscient awareness was simultaneous. It was as though someone had switched on all the interior lights of my mind, and this light passed through me like a bolt of lightning. Everything was understood and made clear. It seemed quite obvious that the entire manifest universe, along with my identity and experience of life, was all a creation of Consciousness.

    The experience sought by many practicing Eastern religions closely resembles CydelikSpace. However, those who have apparently attained this "Enlightenment" have expressed only a partial understanding of CydelikSpace. They seldom describe vast and detailed perceptions, such as the infinite variety of life forms that have existed throughout time and space, and in the non-manifest realms. Although the states of mind these people experience may be vast, they do not seem to be without limitations. Rarely are "Enlightened" persons even aware of the thoughts in others' minds.

    I'll even hazard to suggest that complete cognizance of CydelikSpace is not possible for any individual or entity. There appears to be a paradox in that to comprehend CydelikSpace in full one must shrink to a point of zero, at which stage there would be no experience or perception. To function as a human, and comprehend all of CydelikSpace, is not possible. This is not to say that one can't have some extremely grandiose experiences in this arena. But I don't believe one can ever reach a final stage of Enlightenment, attainment of a state from which they have nothing further to learn, nowhere further to go.

    Many mystical religions preach pursuit of this Satori experience at the expense of not valuing one's personal identity or ego. These philosophies tend to degrade the development of personality, character, abilities, relations, even evolution itself. While the ego or identity certainly needs to be transcended to enter CydelikSpace, it is only by continually rebuilding our identity that our lives continue. My philosophy has been to use the psychedelic, spiritual, ego-loss experience to break down my limitations and definitions of myself, to keep my identity from stagnating, then to rebuild and develop in the manner I choose, a wiser, healthier, happier ego.

    Indeed it is this loss of ego, identity, or self-awareness which admits one into CydelikSpace. And since any psychedelic can dissolve the identity to a degree, any psychedelic can admit one into CydelikSpace. However, with most psychedelic experiences the tendency is for the ego to begin to reinstate itself immediately after it has dissolved. While the experience of CydelikSpace seems timeless while in it, if timed on a clock the deep portion of the experience usually lasts but a few seconds.

    My LSD experience in Death Valley is a case in point. At first my self-identity was dissolving slowly. The pace increased until the ego was in a rapidly deteriorating state. The "peak" during which "I became the One Mind onto which all the experiences of time have been etched," lasted for but a brief moment by our earthly clocks. The descent back to self-awareness was equally sharp, as I saw layers of identity forming in front of my perception. If viewed across a graph chart, the ego-loss/reinstatement process would start as a slowly rising curve, changing to a nearly vertical, quickly-rising line as the ego dissolves to near nothingness. The reinstatement of the ego usually closely mirrors its dissolution.

    In 1953, after ingesting mescaline for his first psychedelic expenence, the famous author-philosopher Aldous Huxley wrote The Doors of Perception. Here Huxley discusses ideas of his own, and of other philosophers, relating to this theme. "The function of the brain, nervous system, and sense organs is in the main eliminative and not productive. Each person is at any moment capable of remembering all that has ever happened to him and of perceiving everything that is happening everywhere in the universe. The function of the brain and nervous system is to protect us from being overwhelmed and confused by this mass of largely useless and irrelevant knowledge, by shutting out most of what we should otherwise perceive or remember at any moment, and leaving only that very small and special selection which is likely to be practically useful."

    "According to such a theory, each one of us is potentially Mind at Large. But in so far as we are animals, our business is at all costs to survive. To make biological survival possible, Mind at Large has to be funneled through the reducing valve of the brain and nervous system. What comes out at the other end is a measly trickle of the kind of consciousness which will help us stay alive on the surface of this particular planet."

    "The various 'other worlds' with which human beings erratically make contact are so many elements in the totality of the awareness belonging to Mind at Large. Most people, most of the time, know only what comes through the reducing valve and is consecrated as genuinely real by the local language. Certain persons, however, seem to be born with a kind of by-pass that circumvents the reducing valve. In others temporary by-passes may be acquired either spontaneously, or as the result of deliberate 'spiritual exercises', or through hypnosis, or by means of drugs. Through these by-passes there flows, not indeed the perception 'of everything that is happening everywhere in the universe' (for the by-pass does not abolish the reducing valve, which still excludes the total content of Mind at Large) [1] but something more than, and above all something different from, the carefully selected utilitarian material which our narrowed, individual minds regard as a complete, or at least a aufficient, picture of reality."

    While I've had many experiences of CydelikSpace on various psychedelics, it is only Ketamine that has made navigation of CydelikSpace possible. The depth to which one goes in CydelikSpace, and the vastness of one's experience, is directly dependent on the degree to which one's ego has been diminished. Ketamine has the ability of diminishing the ego much further than any other psychedelic, even to the point of total unconsciousness. Equally important is that Ketamine keeps the ego in abeyance for a period of 15 to 45 minutes. Ketamine provides a more complete "by-pass of the reducing valve" than any other psychedelic, and this by-pass remains wide open for a long period of time.

    Ketamine is a reliable means of bringing one to a state that is pre-human, pre-body, even pre-solar system. What I mean by this is that one is "upstream" on the level of consciousness. One is deeply enmeshed in CydelikSpace where vast galaxies are being born and destroyed each moment. It is also Ketamine, and DMT, that have led to my most spectacular, vivid, and totally mind-blowing visions. These visions can take on forms from this planet, this human life, but with completely bizarre details and incredible variations.

    One of the unfortunate aspects of Ketamine is that it tends to diminish the ego too far. Ketamine can diminish the ego sense to complete unconsciousness. As one approaches unconsciousness they experience less of CydelikSpace, and retain little upon returning to routine awareness. Having the most spectacular adventures in CydelikSpace requires a trick of retaining just the right degree of identity. Keeping this thread-of- identity unbroken for as long as possible allows the perceptions of CydelikSpace to be firmly impressed in the memory banks, providing a greater degree of recollection of this alien realm.

    I have found a method that has proven highly successful in allowing me to retain this desired degree of identity while flying on Ketamine. My solution is to take Ketamine while already high on a psychedelic. Although psychedelics diminish the ego, they also expand awareness and bring one into the "current moment." Anyone who's experimented with psychedelics can easily imagine that it would be quite difficult to become unconscious while on, for instance, LSD.

    I have found that LSD, many synthetic phenethylamines, and in particular, 2C-B, can be effectively combined with Ketamine.

    Using LSD with Ketamine has some drawbacks, in that the Ketamine recovery period is significantly increased and quite unpleasant. I've found this can be tolerable by taking Ketamine about 2/3 of the way into the LSD trip, and remaining in bed afterwards until falling asleep. However, the Ketamine trip is most spectacular if taken in the early stages of the other psychedelic's duration.

    I've found that when I combine Ketamine with other psychedelics I frequently enter a space where I begin chanting, speaking m tongues, and channeling discarnate entities. In one such experience I even did some "automatic writing" shortly after coming out of the Ketamine trip. This was a somewhat difficult process for me to maintain as I had never done it before. It requires practice to allow the force to move my writing hand without getting in the way as an interpreter. You'll notice the change from a third person to a first person perspective in the message I transcribed.

    "They are sad. They see what's happening but seldom have mediums through whom they can communicate. They pray that the ancient knowledge they worked so hard to obtain will not be lost and will have a chance to reach humanity and feel the rays of the sun. We coded this information in the mind, in the DNA, so it would not be lost. Plants will allow access to this information. "

    I also understood from this message that with each generation this "ancient knowledge" becomes more diluted in our minds, and more difficult for one to access. When they "see what's happening" on our planet they are talking in general about society's problems, and they know that their "knowledge" can cure humanity's woes.

    Taking Ketamine while on 2C-B has produced some absolutely spectacular experiences. I've used this combination some 30-40 times and have never failed to hit the mark. In contrast to the traditional psychedelics, 2C-B has both ego-dissolving and ego-strengthening properties. 2C-B tends to produce a very "in-the-body" experience, and combined with Ketamine allows one to bring some human perspectives to a normally bodiless realm of immortality. While this can be extraordinarily enlightening, I also suspect that it could lead to some quite bizarre and deluded ideas. It seems that there are "laws" which prevent identification-with-the-bodyfrom existing simultaneously with identification-with-immortal-consciousness. Ketamine taken with 2C-B short circuits this cosmic rule and the ego can become inflated in some rather unusual proportions.

    I've had many experiences with 2C-B plus Ketamine where immediately after the Ketamine trip I was able to get up and dance around like a whirling Dervish. This also frequently entails going into ritual/yogic postures and movements which release a great deal of Kundalini energy.

    While on 2C-B it seems that any amount of Ketamine produces interesting results. With 25 mg. of Ketamine I will not loose self-awareness to the extent required to embark on a true Ketamine trip. However, the state of mind produced is quite novel, otherworldly, and illuminating.

    With just 50 mg. of Ketamine I can completely separate from self-awareness and journey into CydelikSpace. While high on another psychedelic it seems that it requires a smaller amount of Ketamine for the break with the ego to occur. I've also noticed that this complete separation from self-awareness becomes easier to achieve as I gain familiarity with Ketamine and the process of total release.

    Another important benefit of combining Ketamine with 2C-B is that recall of the experience is significantly increased. Visiting this realm of cosmic fun and knowledge but coming back with only the faintest recollection of what one's experienced can be frustrating, and leave one feeling that something is missing. Such was a common feeling with much of my early Ketamine experimentation. But since I began using Ketamine with 2C-B, I find I can now access my memory at any time, and recall in a fair amount of detail many exotic and fascinating experiences.

    Following are some of my adventures in CydelikSpace, reports from the frontier of consciousness. All occurred while taking Ketamine with 2C-B.

    ...As I watch I see human bodies mating, giving birth. The scene changes, various animal and reptilian forms have appeared in place of the humans, and are now seen mating and producing their offspring. I have a question in my mind. What is this incessant drive that appears in all species to re-create, to produce incarnate offspring, to invite suffering ? This unlimited universe of consciousness was perfect before. As I continue to watch and wonder, the multiplying bodies change to alien entities. The graphic detail of their forms is incredible. Hollywood would pay millions for images like this. The bodies I am watching appear to be moving toward an earlier time in the life of the universe, I'm honing in on the source of all this creation. In the final scene that I can recall, I'm watching alien bodies similar to an octopus but mammalian, with hair. The vision of their mating and propagation is both disgusting and fascinating... The themes of aliens and birth are ones which occur frequently in the Ketamme domam.

    ...As I arise from deep disembodied CydelikSpace I stand up, but I am still in the realms of the cosmos. The words formulate in my mind, "I am transmutational being, I manifest out of the void." I know myself to be the substance of which the manifest universe is made. I know myself to be that which wills the universe to come forth into existence from the void. I know these things as my body is dancing around and performing ritual movements in my tripping room. And as I'm dancing I clearly experience a parallel life. I am the commander of a star fleet, some 20,000 years in the future, part of a race that has descended from those we call Atlanteans, who lived on this planet in ancient times in a parallel universe. With my eyes open I can clearly see the decorations on the walls of my trip room, as well as the inside of my spacecraft along with the many crew members whom I am giving instructions to... I understand that this is but one of several parallel lives in which I exist.

    ...A magic ritual had been performed, a most intricate trap had been set, and the elusive essence of the alien life-giving force had been captured. She was held as though suspended in space, where all present could view her form without obstructions, a form shrouded in so much elusiveness and mystery that previously one could not be sure if she truly existed, or was merely a figment of imagination and folklore. But there she was, on display for the first time, and not seeming too happy about occupying center stage in the spotlight for all to see. She appeared as a semi-transparent, constantly moving flow of energy and matter; serpentine, dragon-like, with forked tongue and wings, never holding her shape for even a moment. Now octopoid, now like a dragonfly, constantly slithering through different shapes under the scrutinous eyes of her observers. Of course there was no intention of harming this "Mother-of- all- Forms," just to observe her for a moment to satisfy the curiosity for knowledge, and to delight in the marvel of her mysterious ethereal manifestations...

    ...I became the encryptor of DNA, the evolutionary blueprint, my incredibly intelligent mind sees the obvious solution of making sea faring mammals the choice species for long-term intelligence development potential. While the creatures on planetary surfaces would go through frequent extinction as climates changed and areas of vegetation changed to desert or ice, the seas on all planets would be much more stable environments with a stable food source. The sea mammals would not be endowed with the primate tendencies of power worship and killing one another off. The sea mammals would have an additional advantage of being able to move through three spatial dimensions, while most of the creatures on land are limited to the two dimensional surface. While the creatures on the surface may eventually develop technology and even travel through the galaxies, the sea mammals would have accomplished most of the same ends without the need for gadgets. The primary tool of the sea mammals would be the development of telepathic communication, not only amongst those on their home planet, but being able to link up with sea mammals throughout the cosmos...

    This experience took place during the stage of the Ketamine journey where one begins to reestablish self-awareness... I was infinite awareness, knowing myself to be consciousness itself. As this omnipotent consciousness, I was also aware that I was the creator of all that I perceived. I began creating some objects that were suspended in a multi-dimensional space, floating and swirling about the way planets and star systems may appear if viewed from a perspective where you could see their entire motion. I decided to give each of these objects a certain degree of consciousness and memory, so that they could view things from their own perspectives. Yet I knew that as objects within my creation, they could never attain the unlimited awareness that I possessed. Generating this creation also enlarged my own limitless universe, as I could now enjoy the miniaturized views belonging to each of these objects. As I watched, these objects grew in knowledge, along with their ability to see, understand, and interact with one another and their surroundings. It then dawned on me that all of us are just particles of the Creator's consciousness, learning and trying to understand. I was swept by a wave of emotion, and felt an empathy and understanding reaching out to all beings. I then had the feeling of wanting this reality to exist. This "model" I had produced as an experiment felt good, and I wanted it to become manifest. I was the Creator, deciding to begin Creation. Next, I was absolutely flooded with an overwhelming feeling of love, such as I had never felt before. This feeling is always a bit of a novelty to me. I tend to be more of a mental, masculine persuasion. But this love was of an intensity I had never before experienced. It seemed like the love that Goddess must feel for her creations. It had a distinct feminine or maternal quality to it, and as I regained self-awareness, this love poured into every aspect of my being.

    As I sit at my desk typing this I am still under the effects of 2C-B plus Ketamine. Now here's one for the unusual coincidences list. The phone on my desk rings, normally I would pick it up and talk to whoever's on the line, even though I'm still fairly inebriated. But as I sat next to the ringing phone I had the intuition that my mother was calling, she usually calls every month or two. And since she's under the impression that I don't take any drugs, I decided not to talk to her while I was this high, and with my vocalization slurred as it normally is for a couple hours after taking Ketamine. After the fourth ring my machine answered, and after my greeting played back I was not surprised to hear my mother's voice leaving a message.

    One of the most intriguing phenomena of CydelikSpace is what I'll call the Cosmic Wind or Cosmic Jet-Stream. I've experienced this Cosmic Wind some 20 times, most often while combining 2C-B with Ketamine, and each time it's been sheer bliss, thrilling excitement, effortlessness, and the knowledge that there's no way I can go wrong. The Cosmic Wind seems to only blow in the right direction, can only be traveled upon when I'm in a most pristine state of mind, and allows me to travel through CydelikSpace at otherwise impossible speeds. Once in this Jet-Stream I am carried along with no effort of my own, and virtually locked onto a path headed to the most sublime dimensions

    If you're a traveler along the frontiers of consciousness, keep your eyes open and try to catch a ride on this cosmic express. With the Cosmic Wind at your back, a fragment of identity as a sail, and no baggage of a human or personal nature, you'll just be rippin' through CydelikSpace and loving it!

1. Huxley's parenthesis